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Chin up. There’s no need for 14th February to feel like an annual kick in the groin.

Words The Team

Despite your best efforts, you’re not crazy about anyone that you’ve met recently. Maybe your dating pool is limited (it’s hard to meet someone when you’re working on remote farmland in southern Georgia. Get on Sirf Coffee, already), or your first dates don’t lead to anything concrete (like Daniel Day Lewis’ last film. So disappointed Paul T Anderson). Oh hey, here’s another crazy theory –“it’s not her, it’s you”.

All we have to say is: look forward to 2018, because you don’t know what – or who – each day could bring. Here are knee-deep insights from the people who play matchmakers for a living. #thuglife

Don’t set filters
Because you’ve lived in 13 cities and gone out on 264 first dates in your 35-year-old existence – think you know it all? Dating is not the result of theorem-based success or previous experiences, contrary to popular belief. Your opinion might be so dominant that you don’t give partners a chance. Being judgemental of strangers on the basis of where they live, what they do, academic background and – drum roll – photographs, is the recipe to stay single. In our 10 years at Sirf Coffee, we’ve never met an applicant who looks just like their picture. Ladies, ya know what his last degree at Cornell has nothing to do with? Maintaining a good relationship.

Look forward
In other words: Stop looking back at what is long gone. Know that no two people or circumstances are the same. The more parallels you draw with your ex or a past situation, the deeper you will fall in this vicious circle of, ‘where is my Mr / Miss Right?’  Learn from your past relationships, and it can hurt like hell, but leave the baggage where it belongs ­– in the bin. Honestly, we judge someone who bitches out about their ex the first time we meet them. There’s no reason for it. Practise, out of sight, out of mind.

Make an effort
Being confident can improve your first date impression, but it’s important not to let it cross the line into arrogance. No one owes you anything, so please don’t feel ‘entitled’ to the perfect person. In fact, a high-handed, self-centered approach is exactly the opposite of a fulfilling, happy relationship. Unless you’re living in a Yemeni prison, it may help to engage in activities that naturally boost your mood over your ego: get a haircut, do something to stay fit, and most importantly ­– smile.

Trust the process
Ask your happily married friends about their dating history. Ninety percent will tell you about all the oddballs they met prior to finding their current partner. Believe that good things are around the corner and nothing that is meant for you will pass you by. Sure, sometimes you may feel like you’ve met all the wrong people in the world, or you’ve probably met the right one but at the wrong time. But know that there is a time, place and opportunity for everything. For the first time ever, 2017 was the year with the highest number of divorcees that remarried / got engaged on Sirf Coffee.

Long story short, be prepared to embrace all that life brings to you, and remember – never say never.

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